Aging Parents
In my newsletter this week, I would like to ask how you talk to your aging parents. As I have talked with several people who are now enduring the chapter of aging parents, there are words that I often hear- “I’m frustrated, they make me angry, they are on my nerves, and I don’t have time for this.” Whatever the words that are being used to describe the way we feel about our aging parents and all of their ailments, it is not only hurtful to them when we respond negatively, but the words can make them feel like a hindrance. When we get agitated because they can’t move fast enough, or it takes them longer to understand a concept, it’s not that they are trying to make our lives harder, it’s that they are simply trying to function on their own which may take a bit longer to answer or complete a task. Though this stage of life can be hard, let’s remember that eventually one day we will be there too. Aging parents already feel frustrated that they are slowing down. They also know that they are changing mentally, physically, emotionally and this is a hard pill to swallow. However, when grown children become frustrated with them and lose patience, it only makes them feel worse and reminds them that their life is declining and now they are a burden to their adult children. The truth is getting older is not fun for anyone! However, it’s part f life. Similarly, when we see our aging parent being less functional, it is hard and it can stir up fear and in the process at times can make grown children be impatient or angry. However, we have a choice in how we respond - in love or in frustration. Older folks who are slipping want to feel needed. They often feel they are losing their independence. A perfect example was this week, my Mom (almost 80), brought to mind that just because “I” could hear things well, did not mean she could. Apparently I offended her by saying “you can’t hear that noise coming from the car?” After she brought it up, I immediately felt convicted. See, my heart was not to hurt her, but was to see why she could not hear. Though it was not intended to hurt, it did! She explained that when people reach the age of 70 or 80+ most things become a struggle because they lose their abilities that they once had. She continued to say that parents do not want their adult children to bear the burden of the things they can no longer accomplish. After hearing how she felt, it just broke my heart. I had no idea how heavy this was for her and it made me feel terrible and caused me to reevaluate the way I engaged her. Our talk made me see things from a whole new lens. Therefore, I would like to ask all of you - do you also need to reevaluate the way you speak to your aging parents? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with taking care of them? Have you found yourself being impatient? Psychcentral states: “You can’t change what your aging Mom is experiencing, but what you can do is provide help and support.” What a great word and reminder. As I reflect, I think about how short life can be. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to spend time with our aging parents while uplifting them, rather than breaking them down even further? Choose wisely time is of the essence. Choose love and make memories-let frustration go and create more joy with your aging parents.
Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent.
Psalms 71:9
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:10
Chaplain Tracey Burns
Reflection Questions:
How do you speak to your aging parents?
Have you asked yourself if your words hurt them or help them?
Will you ask God to give you patience when you get frustrated?
Will you commit to serving them with love and grace?
Bonus: Great song (if you are interested) - is it important for us to remember to change our heart and- “Speak Life”